Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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