Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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