i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
