my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
