this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
