What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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