and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
