please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
