I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
