Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize