Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
