You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
