Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
