I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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