so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
