so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
