just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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