Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
