Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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