just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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