As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
