just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
