Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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