For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
