I wish I could teleport
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
