How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
