How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize