3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize