Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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