She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
