There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
