did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
