remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
