I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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