He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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