Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
