Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
