did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize