I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
