I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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