So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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