12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
