i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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