You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
