me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i've created a new STD.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
