apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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