Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize