i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
