I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
