Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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