Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
