fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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