i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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