thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
