You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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