You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
