All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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