ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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