So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
