i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
