i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
