I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
