And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
