you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
