If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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