brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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