You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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