I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
