I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
