i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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