what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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