Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
