I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
