he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
