someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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