See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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