is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
