Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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