First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize