Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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