think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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