Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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