I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just pee around me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
