This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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