The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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