We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize