I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
