This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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