i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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