I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
