The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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