just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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