whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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