i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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