You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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