no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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