I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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